HoliDAZE (The Relay Race Of Gift Giving)

(No rushing the holidays in Czech Republic- this photo shows Christmas stands bustling with business a week after the big day) Prague, Czech Republic

 

(Am I getting the lineup of the holidays confused? Always with a touch of humor)

I’m cutting straight to the point. Mothers day blog posts. In February. February (in New York at least) is known for being the most miserable, darkest, coldest months of the year (usually). Blizzards that bring snow that doesn’t melt and sits in heaps taller then an NBA player. Wait, isn’t the next commercial holiday up Easter? I am so confused.

No where wading through this mess of snow, sappy V-Day cards and shoe-destroying salt am I thinking of warm weather, flowers (well, in my commuting fantasies, but not concrete) and …mother’s day. Worse, my heartbeat starts racing (and not from the two coffees I already consumed), but from the prices…are people really falling for it, and buying mom a $200 candle? That;s my health insurance for a month- and I don’t know if I want to tempt fate just so mom can smell gardenias for the 50 hour “burn time”.

Doesn’t mothers day fall somewhere (I just had to look this up, proving I’m a dreadful daughter) around May 8th? Yes, May. You know the ditty “April showers bring May flowers”? I’m still bundled up in my long super warm shearling coat here. And I’m already fielding my way through posts about personalised gift bags and handmade cards made by nuns and other things about what to get the woman who always says she wants nothing, raises her voice like an opera singer the thought of having to give a gift?

The word holiday is used in Britain the same way we use the word vacation. A vacation implies(ha ha ha) a time of peace, relaxation, celebration, enjoyment, happiness. So why does the word holiday in America bring so much stress? Impatience.

As Americans, we are an impatient people. We get our coffee on the go, eat lunch standing in the pizza shop, buy have drive through weddings with an Elvis priest. Why does our impatience have to spill over to holidays?  Whatever happened to the E.B White quote “never hurry, never worry?” As soon as one holiday is over, stores rip down the displays as if some secret holiday police were going around handing out fines for keeping the marshmallow peeps out an extra day (I personally would eat them all year). As a child I used to get melancholy in mid January, begging one more week for our Tannenbaum to stay put (foot was put down on that dream, with the threat that my toys go up in flames, dry needles and all).

As soon as one is over, we have to be assaulted- visually (tacky bright displays) , aurally (Christmas songs by some horrible pop singer instead of Sinatra), even orally ( I can even taste the Halloween candy when I walk near it, the mass of sugary treats wafting through the plastic like some radioactive toxin). Can’t we have a few moments rest to see what we really need in Duane Reade like breath mints and Tide (who goes in there to buy heart chocolates and stuffed bears anyways?)?

We need to learn to relax. Life is too short for this constant rushing. Take each holiday as they come- maybe a month before the actual date. Search for a gift, but not with the rabid aggression of a childs maiden version to DisneyWorld. Buy what you can afford, not something you’ll spend three months paying off, for the friend you see only once a year (begrudgingly).  Enjoy what we are celebrating, as it comes, not raise our blood pressure levels fretting over the Frette bathrobe or the discount one at Bed Bath & Beyond months before it will be given.

Being in the marketing/selling world, I am not advocating to stop gift giving. I have a degree in merchandising; I hope I understand the monetary value that holidays bring. What I am advocating is, enjoy the day. Get mom that gift, but enjoy the day with her. Lavishing her with some “curated all natural local farm produced handpicked hand mashed gluten free face wash” bag is nice and all, but it doesn’t make up for being a terrible daughter who doesn’t see her 8 months out of the year and groans and at the thought of listening to her anecdotes about her dogs.

When the end of April rolls around, maybe I’ll take a journey out east and see my mom that weekend, IF the weather is warm and sunny. Or, I’l just send her flowers. Or buy her some porcelain at http://www.etsy.com/shops/japonicanyc.  Either way, at the end of the day, she knows I love her.

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Fifteen Reasons To Buy Vintage (Humor)

(Do you think these cups found in Germany from centuries ago would be termed as vintage?) Berlin, Museuminsel

Vintage VS (todays mass) Volume

Open up any Anthropologie magazine, even go to the home décor section in Target. Practically everything you see is vintage inspired. Not just a classic, standard look, like a grandfather clock, but actively attempting to look like it was on your great great great grandmothers first Thanksgiving Day. Vintage is popular- but why not make it authentic? 15 reasons to purchase vintage wares listed below. Disclaimer: our post is all in good fun.

  1. Save money. Vintage formal silverware set from Etsy for $20, plus dinner and a movie, or similar set from (insert home décor store here) for $180? Take the popcorn.
  2. Love Leo. Make Leonardo DiCaprio happier then he was after receiving his Oscar by aiding to making the world a better place and re-using old items. Environmentally friendly!
  3. Receive a quality product. Somehow, despite not having the technologies we do today, older products often are more sturdy and long lasting. I think this is one of the 8th world wonders, forget those hanging gardens of Babylon.
  4. Sense of history, a story comes with each product. Even if you don’t know who owned that vintage silver comb, you can just pretend John Wentworth the Fourth was your wealthy cousin who you inherited your aristocratic nose from.
  5. A truly unique look. No one is going to give you home of the year or include you on the annual house tour if you look like a Pottery Barn magazine (no matter how white your towels are.) People want imagination!
  6. Eliminate massive landfills. We can see amber waves of grain, not big dirt mounds with a forgotten dolly’s arm poking through like a scary movie
  7. Combat pollution and labor issues. Lower the toxic levels of pollution by having less factories churn out endless supplies of generic glass tumblers. We love our world.
  8. Limit family feuds. Take the relief off someone having to have a fight with their mother before she goes to the nursing home and buy those porcelain plates.
  9. Create your own heirlooms. Possibly could create your own heirloom- even if it only cost $5, nostalgia is everything these days.
  10. Support small business. Does the Walton family need to move from 10 to 1 on the billionaires list? (not that we don’t love buying cases of Charmin for $15, but it’s nice to help out and thrift shops that donate to stopping breast cancer and such)
  11. Support worthy causes. Buying vintage from Thrift stores can help noble causes like breast cancer and animal shelters, not just the CEOS Hamptons vacation house he uses twice a summer.
  12. Stand out! Not have your house look like every other suburban 3.5BDR on the block (isn’t the identical façade confusing enough? You don’t want to confuse your teenage kids as they sneak in late one night).
  13. Feel the praise. Guests will heap praise and wonder abut your mysterious ways to procure such interesting products (yard sale last Sunday on Utica and Bainbridge, $3 bucks, but no one need know) Restoration Hardware, right? 😉
  14. De-stress. Mismatched plates are so stress free- no more arguing at the dinner table. If little Johnny go so enthused at re-enacting his all star home run, it doesn’t matter if he swept last nights’ chicken dinner to the floor. Just go and scoop up more plates- matching is so 1950’s housewife.
  15. Play the part. Forget just impersonating the persona of Greta Garbo- I think that mink stole you just picked up looks old enough to have belonged to her. Really look the part

 

See? Don’t you feel better already? Shop Japonicanyc on Etsy for vintage porcelain treasures and dinnerware.

Apocalypse- Or Divine Paradise? Begone, Gift Giving!

  1. Work would actually get done because you’re not surreptitiously checking out tickets to Metallica on StubHub for your husband instead of writing that recommendation on why John needs that Liver transplant.
  2. Little Ruby wouldn’t need that nose job after all, since she wouldn’t be slugged for taunting Little Miriam for being too poor to receive brand new clothes for her birthday.
  3. You wouldn’t have that avalanche of a closet (stocked with old Cabbage Patch Dolls and ceramic picture frames from your Aunt Fifi )that causes a 3rd-world catastrophe just as referenced Aunt Fifi goes snooping for an extra bow for this years china rooster (cock-a-doodle doo!)
  4. Santa Claus would lose all of that weight from being left the vegetables you hid in your napkin from dinner, not Tate’s Bakeshop cookies. Didn’t he know gluten free is the way to be anyway?
  5. The Chinese wouldn’t have to buy bottled fresh air from some enterprising but Canadians, having no need to pollute the air with waste from  plastic Easter baskets, Mets Monopoly Games or ginormous Valentines Day stuffed animals that scream I WAS CHEATING from the roof of your old beat up Honda.
  6. We’d be forced to go run around outside, maybe lose the holiday poundage from your mom’s famous flan, or eek, converse with each other and find out you have absolutely nothing in common, as television would cease to exist during the holidays for a lack of gift advertising. Following with divorce, splitting the boat no one ever used in two just for spite, lighting your wedding dress on fire, etc. etc.
  7. The world would flourish with trees like your unmarried Aunt Margie’s garden, where she toiled away her sexual energy with her greenest thumb ever. Why? No more wrapping paper to be used and discarded. It would be like living in the Brooklyn Botanical Garden.
  8. Rivers would be plain old blue or worse, run clear, instead of all of those uber cool, pretty rainbow shades from all of the toxic waste. So dull.  I personally prefer a bright orange, didn’t they know it’s the new black?
  9. The vets would require less Xanax to deal with the hysterical owners who come in because little Fluffy or Spot once again consumed too much bubble wrap and can’t go number two.
  10. Christmas, Hannukah and Easter would actually be religious again. Oh yeah, that guy Jesus. Wait, what are the three Wise Men bringing then if not gifts?! Food? Good cheer? Pfft.
  11. People would walk through the malls on Black Friday like they were some mute version of the Walking Dead, sluggishly pattering along, no baggage except, you know their brains.
  12. There would be no entertaining of (insert weird spelled name here) proclaiming he only stole the bling for his baby mama’s birthday. We’d have to read mundane stuff about World events.
  13. People would realize their houses were too organized, so they would try to create some chaos, so they’d go to the mall……

And it would start all over again.

Buy gifts! Gifts are good- we don’t want boring rivers, we want rainbows……